I've done some pretty amazing self break ins in the past. The trick is to improvise a tool for reaching things; I once spent half an hour trying to get a key off the hook using a broomstick I pushed through a cat flap.
One is in New York for the weekend and the other's phone is going straight to voicemail. I ended up staying at a friend's place since he's only about a mile away but I still can't go home. I'm totally making a hide-a-key after this.