Funny Quotes in General

Bean

The Awesome One
Jan 1, 1970
5,243
3
0
39
Canada eh!
cheese.com
#1
I figured that after the second Quotes thread in the entertainment section, we should have one permanent thread for sharing all of our quotes. It'd save us some time searching for new sigs at the least.
 

Stag

It's me again
Jan 1, 1970
3,292
0
0
53
Florida
#2
Yeah, good idea, how about this one...

Shit in one hand and wish in the other, see which hand fills up first." Billy Bob Thornton - Bad Santa
 

Arik

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 1, 2010
2,307
1
38
#3
Murphy: "You didn't tell me I had to pay them back for all that stuff."
Sparks: "No. Not exactly."
Murphy: "You exactly told me it was a magical goodies creator. Remember?"
Sparks: "I may have."
Murphy: "So where the hell am I going to get 108,000 dollars?"
Sparks: "You could transfer the ballance on your high interest card to another one...that actually is a magical goodies creator."
Murphy: "Okay."

-Captain Murphy and Sparks discussing Murphy's new credit card
Sealab 2021, "The Policy".
 

Bean

The Awesome One
Jan 1, 1970
5,243
3
0
39
Canada eh!
cheese.com
#10
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back


[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Half the people you know are below average.

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]OK, so what's the speed of dark?

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Constipated People Don't Give A crap

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

[/font][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't know how to spell anonymous" -unknown


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Closet Racist

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2004
1,221
3
0
Vortex 4.
#13
My high school geography teacher: "...but the Bible says to love thine enemas..."

The Smoking Astronaut got weeks of enjoyment out of that. I think I still have a carton he did about it.
 
Jan 1, 1970
1,010
0
0
Columbus, Ohio
#14
Not really a funny haha quote, but it's one of my favs

Lex to Lois: "The day I need political advice from a muffin-pedaling collage drop-out, I'll call you. Until then... do you have blueberry bananna?"