An excerpt from a reboot ep I'm working on...

Cymro

Religious Fanatic
Nov 30, 1999
5,028
3
0
Shitsville, CF63
#1
INT. REAR LOUNGE
We are in a small, dark room with a few chairs and coffee tables, with a window that overlooks the rear of the Enterprise. We see the silhouette of McCoy, against the window. He is staring at the streaking stars as they pass by.

ENTER SPOCK.

SPOCK
Good evening, Doctor… Am I intruding?

MCCOY
No, Spock, I was just… I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing here?

Spock joins McCoy at the window; they both stare outward as they talk.

SPOCK
I find this view to be most… soothing. I assume you’re suffering from insomnia because you are troubled by the deaths of Crewmen Wilks and Simcoe?

MCCOY
It’s not just that, Spock. For god’s sake, we just saw a whole planet, a whole civilization die, in the blink of an eye. Billions of people – gone. (Clicks his fingers) Just like that…

SPOCK
It is, indeed unfortunate.

McCoy gives Spock a short glance, with a slight look of annoyance, then shakes his head.

MCCOY
Y’know, as much as I may get pissed off at you for being such a cold hearted son of a bitch, Spock, there are times I can’t help but envy you -you can sit back and watch as Billions of people die, and have it not effect you.



SPOCK
Indeed, there are many advantages to being Vulcan.

McCoy shakes his head again, simultaneously taking a deep breath.

MCCOY
So you keep telling me. (pauses)
Did any of your people ever believe in God, Spock?

SPOCK
Long ago, before we adopted logic, there were many Vulcans who believed in deities, similar to your Christo-Judean God, and others of that nature.

MCCOY
What do you believe, Spock?

SPOCK
I believe in Science.

MCCOY
(sighs)
I should have known. Well, I’m going to try and get some sleep, I’ve got an early shift tomorrow.

McCoy turns around and heads toward the door. Spock looks over his shoulder.

SPOCK
There is one specific law of science that I hold above all others.

McCoy turns around to face Spock

MCCOY
And which one is that?

SPOCK
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I believe, perhaps, that there is a certain balance in the universe. For every wrong, there is, somewhere a right. For every death, there is new life. For every feeling of great pain, loss, there is a feeling of immense joy, and those are the times, Doctor, where perhaps I envy you.

MCCOY
I suppose one man’s cloud can be another’s silver lining. (pause) Spock, what are you doing here?

Spock turns around to face McCoy.

SPOCK
I couldn’t sleep.

MCCOY
(Smiles)
Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Mr. Spock.

McCoy leaves the room, and Spock turns back to look at the stars pass by. We zoom out the window, streak through space and find ourselves on a distant planet. We zoom into a pit of primordial goo. With a tiny, brief flash of light we see the creation of a protein molecule.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT IV
I'm worried that this may be a little too illogical for Spock.

Thoughts?
 

Brikar

The Dude
Jan 1, 1970
3,661
3
0
Massachusetts
#3
My only problem is Spock pretty much agreeing with McCoy that he's not effected by the deaths of billions of people. There's no way he's not; even a full-blooded Vulcan would have admitted that it was a horrible tragedy... which he sort of does a few moments later, but the one line where he says there are advantages feels totally wrong.
 

Cymro

Religious Fanatic
Nov 30, 1999
5,028
3
0
Shitsville, CF63
#4
Thank you, there are a few things that bug me about it, but I wasn't sure what. The reason I posted it was so I could get an objective opinion. With art I tend to be overly self-critical, but with writing I am the opposite.

I'm trying to make a scene where McCoy gets a deeper understanding of Spock, because they obviously argue a lot and almost act like they hate eachother, but underneath that they're acctually good friends, and I'm trying to get that in there.
 

Brikar

The Dude
Jan 1, 1970
3,661
3
0
Massachusetts
#5
I think you've easily accomplished that in the last few lines of the exchange, but that one bit about it not effecting him was a problem.

You should omit it completely, and just have McCoy sigh and shake his head, and then continue on, changing the subject with "Did your people ever believe in god?"
 

Cymro

Religious Fanatic
Nov 30, 1999
5,028
3
0
Shitsville, CF63
#10
I'll probably have a full draft of it by next weekend, so far I've written this part and the first two acts. I know it's weird writing the ending before the middle, but this idea came to me while I was writing act one, and I didn't want to forget it. It kinda helps too, because it gives the story a destination.

EDIT: I just realised that the speech also explains the relationship between Spock and McCoy :D
 
Last edited:

Arik

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 1, 2010
2,307
1
38
#11
I don't like the line "and those are the times, Doctor, where perhaps I envy you." It just doesn't feel like Spock to be so forthright.
 

Cymro

Religious Fanatic
Nov 30, 1999
5,028
3
0
Shitsville, CF63
#12
Edited Version:

INT. REAR LOUNGE
We are in a small, dark room with a few chairs and coffee tables, with a window that overlooks the rear of the Enterprise. We see the silhouette of McCoy, against the window. He is staring at the streaking stars as they pass by.

ENTER SPOCK.

SPOCK
Good evening, Doctor… Am I intruding?

MCCOY
No, Spock, I was just… I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing here?

Spock joins McCoy at the window; they both stare outward as they talk.

SPOCK
I find this view to be most… soothing. I assume you’re suffering from insomnia because you are troubled by the deaths of Crewmen Wilks and Simcoe?

MCCOY
It’s not just that, Spock. For god’s sake, we just saw a whole planet, a whole civilization die, in the blink of an eye. Billions of people – gone. (Clicks his fingers) Just like that…

SPOCK
It is, indeed unfortunate.

McCoy gives Spock a short glance, with a slight look of annoyance, then shakes his head.

Did any of your people ever believe in God, Spock?

SPOCK
Long ago, before we adopted logic, there were many Vulcans who believed in deities, similar to your Christo-Judean God, and others of that nature.


MCCOY
What do you believe, Spock?

SPOCK
I believe in Science.

MCCOY
(sighs)
I should have known. Well, I’m going to try and get some sleep, I’ve got an early shift tomorrow.

McCoy turns around and heads toward the door. Spock looks over his shoulder.

SPOCK
There is one specific law of science that I hold above all others.

McCoy turns around to face Spock

MCCOY
And which one is that?

SPOCK
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I believe, perhaps, that there is a certain balance in the universe. For every wrong, there is, somewhere a right. For every death, there is new life. For every feeling of great pain, loss, there is a feeling of immense joy.

MCCOY
I suppose one man’s cloud can be another’s silver lining. (pause) Spock, what are you doing here?

Spock turns around to face McCoy.

SPOCK
I couldn’t sleep.

MCCOY
(Smiles)
Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Mr. Spock.

McCoy leaves the room, and Spock turns back to look at the stars pass by. We zoom out the window, streak through space and find ourselves on a distant planet. We zoom into a pit of primordial goo. With a tiny, brief flash of light we see the creation of a protein molecule.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT IV
 
Likes: Arik

Deslok

regruntled and reemployed
Jan 1, 1970
1,221
2
0
in front of the computer
#13
Arik said:
I don't like the line "and those are the times, Doctor, where perhaps I envy you." It just doesn't feel like Spock to be so forthright.

Yeah, Spock always had this subtle thing going on that told me that he had to work at being logical whereas full blooded Vulcans found it to be effortless.
 

Deslok

regruntled and reemployed
Jan 1, 1970
1,221
2
0
in front of the computer
#15
I like it. It feels like Star Trek, but I see stylistic touches that are familiar (TNG) and some that are new.

Regarding the ancient Vulcan religions, what exactly is the canon on that, if any. I always had the impression that the Vulcans tended to be polydeistic. But then again, why would an entire planet of people have only one religion. We on Earth have plenty.

One thing about the idea of aliens on Star Trek bothers me. There's very little mention ever made of differences within an alien society. There were white and black Vulcans and Klingons. I don't think I've ever seen a black Romulan though. But my point is that other species of intelligent life, which basically live under conditions similar to our own as regards being a bipedal creature which lives on a landmass, is that there are bound to be the very same differences among members of the general populace (sp?) as there are here on our world. So, following that line of logic, I'm sure it's safe to say that Vulcans had some very passionate and strange religions from their primative roots. Whatever they are, there would probably be some unifying themes such as there are with the Abrahamic religions, or with the Eastern religions (buddhism, hinduism). I also imagine ancient Vulcan religions to be even more illogical than our own.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that primative Vulcans were probably quite murderous, perhaps even demonic. When Spock was first introduced on television in the 1960s, the network had some concerns about whether he was too evil looking, and they wanted to do away with the pointed ears. But Roddenberry won out and Spock was an instant hit when the show aired. Most interesting to the staff of Star Trek was a particular fascination women had with the Spock character. So, by my assesment, primative Vulcans were also probably quite sexually active. Seven foot tall satyrs (sans hooves) and nymphs (sans wings) in a society where everything was for sale.

Which makes my mind wander briefly whether Surak was from the future mirror universe? But I digress.

I'll be interested to read the whole thing.
 
Last edited:

Cymro

Religious Fanatic
Nov 30, 1999
5,028
3
0
Shitsville, CF63
#18
That's what I was going for. STV kinda showed that there used to be at least one religion on Vulcan. The reference to many deities is basically saying that Vulcan culture was as diverse as ours, at least before they discovered logic, and it would have been rediculous if I'd said the entire Vulcan race only ever believed in one god. I think Vulcan is the result of their equivalent to Buddhism becoming the dominant religion. A common misconception is that Buddhism is a religion and that Buddha is a god. Buddha was just a normal man who believed that meditation and abandoning desire was the way to acheive enlightenment, and Buddhists follow his teachings, though I think he's been elevated to the status of deity to some extent. But Surak's sort of the Vulcan Buddha, if you know what I mean.

I don't think I've ever seen a black Romulan though.
Ironically, I just saw one earlier, he was in the TNG episode with the Pegasus.

I like it. It feels like Star Trek, but I see stylistic touches that are familiar (TNG) and some that are new.
Thanks. I was going for that kind of feel, as one of my favourite things in Star Trek has always been the reflective scenes towards the end of an episode (or film). I wanted to work in the "Every cloud has a silver lining" message, because Trek always had a way of being uplifting. It's also a great analogy for Spock and McCoy, because one represents rationality, the other emotion, and basically Kirk's decisions are the result of the balance between them. It can also be interpreted further as Spock acknowledging that he has to play the bad guy.

Also, the best Spock (or even Tuvok) scenes were always the ones where they let down their guard for just a second. ST6's "If I were human, I believe my response would be 'Go to Hell' - if I were human", The touching death scene in TWOK, and I always liked that scene in season 7 Voyager when Neelix is leaving the ship, and Tuvok does a couple of dance steps. Enterprise took it too far with T'Pol though.

Incidentally, I think Tuvok was one of the few things Voyager did right.
 

Deslok

regruntled and reemployed
Jan 1, 1970
1,221
2
0
in front of the computer
#19
My question is this, would Spock raise his eyebrow at McCoy's last comment, or would he remain emotionless? I've seen both done before, and they both tell volumes about the undercurrent of Spock's inner turmoil and tribulations. Even complicated people are very simplistic by nature. Data was an even more simplistic example, but he was different because his existence was that of a synthetic life form living among humans whom he feels compelled to emulate. Spock has two layers of inner dialog going on. He has the basic Vulcan struggle of restraining his savage nature, and then there's his Vulcan/Human struggle, which is pulling him back toward emotion, illogic, and a stronger sense of the alien savagery of humans. On outward appearance, he seems Vulcan, but he obviously is more comfortable with and prefers the company of humans. The McCoy/Spock dialog was always particularly fun. The raised eyebrow seemed to convey a lot of things at once: first that Spock realized that he has just been insulted or had fun poked at him, second is that he has just had a realization or small epiphany that he is recognizing as a truth. These moments of juxtaposed emotional mini-epiphanies and thought processes often brought about Spock displaying a progression of the thoughts expressed in the initial eyebrow-raising banter, that would in turn sometimes cause Dr. McCoy to raise his own eyebrow in a similar circumstance of this himself. Kirk often seemed to be chuckling at the two of them when they'd try to best each other with their thoughts.

Spock and McCoy are both men of science. I'm getting that McCoy might believe in a higher power of some sort, but is content not to illustrate his thoughts with mythological appellations. McCoy also has expressed remnants of human xenophobia of Vulcans at times which he tempers with humor or sarcasm sometimes;


  • (Upon learning that he is carrying Spock's katra) "That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost!"

  • "Why you green blooded, inhuman..." (To which Spock replies, "That is correct, Doctor.")

  • "Logic! My God, the man's talking about logic! We're talking about universal Armageddon!"

  • (Talking to Data) "Don't see no points on your ears boy, but you sound like a Vulcan."
  • (Talking to Spock) "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"
from Wikipedia
 
Last edited:

Deslok

regruntled and reemployed
Jan 1, 1970
1,221
2
0
in front of the computer
#20
Cymro said:
But Surak's sort of the Vulcan Buddha, if you know what I mean.
The old religions may have continued in terms of the ceremonies involved. They have retained their heritage while maintaining their logic.



Cymro said:
Ironically, I just saw one earlier, he was in the TNG episode with the Pegasus.
BSG? j/k:p



Cymro said:
It can also be interpreted further as Spock acknowledging that he has to play the bad guy.
Or "Devil's advocate"?

Cymro said:
Also, the best Spock (or even Tuvok) scenes were always the ones where they let down their guard for just a second. ST6's "If I were human, I believe my response would be 'Go to Hell' - if I were human", The touching death scene in TWOK, and I always liked that scene in season 7 Voyager when Neelix is leaving the ship, and Tuvok does a couple of dance steps. Enterprise took it too far with T'Pol though.
T'Pol was a main character who was treated as a secondary character. She was written hastily and without care. There was potential, but the difference is that with Spock, things weren't randomly invented to further along his character. He had basic parameters which he operated under, and then he'd have to filter his existence through that. When Pon Farr was first introduced, it was a revelation about all Vulcans. When they introduced new things about Vulcans on ENT, it often seemed like an unnecessary extension of something about Vulcans that had been modified in order to add further spice to the show. T'Pol and Trip should have never ever been able to connect as lovers, their love for each other should have remained unrequieted. She could and should have been written as coyly Vulcan. With that repressed humor that Spock had. Spock could be mildly sardonic at times. The Vulcan way always seemed a little bit like they relied heavily on language, but communicated things with their weak telepathic abilities. I also think that the telepathic ability didn't present itself until after the doctrine of logic was adopted by all of Vulcan society and several generations had passed. This is all just extrapolation of course, but it is what has always made Star Trek special. It made you think about what was going on inside the character's heads. I say that Vulcan telepathy was weak because I feel that Vulcan to Vulcan verbal communication did not endeavor to explain everything in words, but that distinct impressions were traded between the participants of a conversation, then there's the mind meld which is brutal and dangerous and most certainly unrefined as compared to other telepathic aliens, such as the Okampa (who were potentially quite powerful but were kept prisoners of a sort, in ignorance by The Caretaker).

Ernest said:
Incidentally, I think Tuvok was one of the few things Voyager did right.
Even Voyager was a much better show than Enterprise was at the beginning. Voyager started out with more of a Roddenberry-esque edge to it, but descended into a bunch of routine, almost bored attempts at keeping the progression of adventures interesting as the Berman/Braga cartel churned out story ideas using rubber stamps. Enterprise had the reverse going on. By the end of it, it had found its way to being stylistically like a very good hybrid of the sophistication of TNG and the feeling of Star Trek (TOS). But what they had to work with was three prior years of backstory that was convoluted beyond all belief. Actually, ENT started off in a similar fashion as VOY, but the engine died before the end of the first season. I think three or four years into VOY was when Kes left and Seven of Nine appeared. That is the demarcation line for me.